LJ Post 323757 ⋅ Plume

I will most likely have to go up to Durham tomorrow and if I know this company’s flight bookings it will be on a SleezyJet flight.

For all those who are yet to experience all that is SleezyJet here is a brief summary of what it’s all about:

An EasyJet is just a flying tube train without graffiti and serviced by two queens, a bitch and some person who claimes to be English but can’t string together a proper sentance.
If you fly EasyJet bring lots of sharp objects, knifes, spears, anything. Make sure you bring enough to be confiscated as you will need it for the “boarding your aircraft” steps.
Eye Burning Orange is a fucking shit colour, that is probably why they used it.

Now, you’d think boarding an aircraft is easy. It is, unless you’re on an EasyJet flight.

Boarding an aircraft:

Arrive 4 hours early, check-in fast, this way you will ensure a fairly good “boarding number”.
Sneak sharp objects past security, they will be required if you have a boarding number of 30+.
Upon your gate opening push all elderly and children out of your way as they fight dirty.
Once past the gate run for the closest set of steps, once you reach a queue stab them in a non-vital organ. This will temporarly disable them, thus ensuring you can obtain a seat with one less person trying to slit your throat.
Upon seating make sure you threaten all children with in two rows, this will help your flight remain semi-pleasant as you won’t have your seat being kicked for the duration. For maximum result, threaten the parents too.
Eat your money, even if you eat a £50 note it’s much cheaper than the rubbish they’ll try to sell you.
Upon arrival grab your shit and run, run FAST. You don’t want to stick around or you’ll be surrounded by people trying to sell you credit cards. From experience those RSPCA Visa Card bitches can run, so make sure you have a good head start or you’ll have your signature on that page faster than a bad cheque being bounced in a clearing house.

Now you have learned the basics of flying SleezyJet.

LJ Post 323757