LJ Post 489072

I’m not well well of at the minute, not at all.

First of all I’m starting to suspect that the counter part is straying away for relations, which is pretty much proven by the vast amount of dodgy evidence I have viewed. Texts between him and somebody named Lee which are most graphic, another is an email sent to somebody called sw20to40 in Aug 03, then comes the card for a Swindon hotel with his middle name as his first name and finally there is the other bloke he knows from way back which I unintentionally managed to view a very private email from (when I worked at my last company, it hit the mail filters). And he also seems uninterested in me anymore, which happens to be a big enough clue.

Over the past few weeks I’ve completely lost the plot and I’ve been gaining access to his various accounts for proof, I don’t want to do it, I don’t like to do it and it feels wrong to do it, but I get in such a state I can’t stop myself and when I find more little things it pushes me harder to continue on.

If he is actually doing what I suspect (and seem to have a fair bit on) I’m not exactly sure if I’ll cope or just spin off the rails from the hate, anger and humiliation.

Then whilst this is all going along, I’ve been hit hard by my wage drop by over 50%, I only make enough now per month to support my car (without fuel) and my credit card is very slowly running out of bank money to do things like feed my self and get transport to my present line of work.

But there is hope in that department as I’ve got two jobs on the go at the minute and I need one of them to actually make signs of movement.

I’m also really hoping that I can get to work by walking/public transport as it’ll save me a bit.

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