「枯枝像棍棒一样狠狠地敲打窗户,这是一个没有月光和星星的晚上,夜很黑,黑到足以吞噬一切。 佐藤先生回到家后,忧郁而冷漠,好像是身上的西服隔着自己和家人们一个世界。不过吊诡的是,他看着妻子和儿女,有一种强烈的即视感,仿佛自己在平行世界里面和不同的女人结婚生子……他最近精神状态很不好,总是会出现诸如此类的幻觉,真叫人担心啊。 “你们今天过得怎么样?”男子试图摆出一家之主的架子。 “还行。”妻子回答。 男子成功压制住了感情,在他的颅内,桌子已经被掀起过千千万万次了。 他坐立难安,吃完饭后说:“今天天气不错,我去散一下步。” 他想去看看晚上的天空的天空怎么样,不知道会不会下起雨,确实没有下。水是雨变成的,它填满了山川的沟壑,把一个个孤岛隔离起来。 …… 等到佐藤先生醒来,迎接他的不是假惺惺但又温馨的家庭,而是白花花的墙壁和铁窗,他面前的是几个胡子刮得精光的男人。警察审问道:“佐藤先生,哦,不对,应该是佐佐木先生,你被控告犯下重婚罪、故意杀人罪和伪造国家机关证明罪,你还有什么要说的吗?” “这、这是什么回事?我真的是冤枉的!”佐藤先生震惊地说不出话。 ……」
现在是什么时候,现在是一年中梅雨时节。在墙壁斑驳的旁边站着一张床,它躺在床上,它的大腿似乎服从着来自电流的脉冲,僵硬了地向上运动,原本薄弱的在金属框架上休息的木板适合要被折磨得天翻地覆。它就是我,床上转辗反侧的玉森。于蚊子的嗡嗡声中,在奇怪的梦中,我猛然惊醒,旁边是散落的原稿。
…不、不是这样的。
这不是我小说的走向。
正如川濑之前指出的,在我的构思中,故事应该是佐藤先生被噩梦困扰,然后在周公解梦式的推理中找到女巫和寺庙,消除诅咒的完美结局……但、为什么故事会发展成这样?
昨晚续写时,仿佛笔仙附体,文字从水笔中汩汩流淌出来,与其说我在虚构这些情节,倒不如说是在神秘力量指引下,我誊写了现实。当时我还内心狂喜,文学天赋终于开窍了。
但是,为什么我会写出与构想相悖的文字呢?在深夜中,我不禁一阵恶寒。
……
「店主,早上好。」我望向店主的樟子门,在梅雨侵蚀中略泛陈旧。
「早安,玉森君。」店主用营业般的声音回答着我,他真的是不可思议之人呢,在我看来是成熟而忧郁,「你复读每天都很辛苦吧?」
「哈…哈哈,是的呢。」我在欺骗店主,但已经习惯了,店主也是佯装不知吧。
「说起来,你在写一些文学作品吗?」店主温和的声音传来。
「额…没有。」我下意识地回答,没有思考。
「我昨晚散步回来,看到了散落在地板的手稿,上面还沾了一点墨迹,是作者用左手写的缘故吧。是很有意思的小说呢。」我是一个左撇子,店主的声音仍然不变,失望或者愤怒隐藏地很好。
「呃呃…..」我大脑空转着,只言片语中编织成辩解,「这是我为文学部入学考试而做的文学练习。」
「哦?什么什么样的小说呢?」店主饶有兴味地发问。
「嗯嗯,讲的是身为主角的佐藤先生进城结婚,但是常常闻见尸体内脏的血腥味……」我兴致勃勃地向店主细细道来,身姿也随之放松,我以洋洋得意的语调继续陈述:「…….后来在女巫托梦的帮助下,佐藤先生终于在寺庙找到了万恶之源,供奉的牌位,这个时候才恢复了正常生活。」
「然后就结束了吗?」
「在我的最初构思里是这样,不过……」
「真是精彩的小说啊。」店主似乎真诚地赞叹。
「不过…..」我重复道,「我昨天的手稿写出了相悖的内容,佐藤先生被抓了,警察说他杀了人。」
「相比而来,我还是喜欢原本的结局。」
「店主过去写了怎样的故事呢?」
「我吗?那是很久以前的事呢。」
「请讲给我听听吧!」
「我忘记了。」
「这也太狡猾了。」
「真的,一点都写不出来了。」
话音刚落,梅钵堂又陷入了死寂,在地板窸窣作响的松动声中,我神游了一刻,终于松了口气啊。
「对了,玉森,你应该和那两个穿大学生制服的小伙子玩得很好吧。」店主意识到了尴尬,转移了话题,「那么,我要出去散步了,麻烦你看一下店面。」
我和水上和川濑确实是友人,但到还不是挚友的地步……我写的小说本来是没有人看,但是水上和川濑当我的读者,我就有写下去的动力。水上很宽容,像可尔思必一样甜,而川濑则是他的反面,不过每当我按照他的建议去更改,总能写的更好。而我自己,不是与川濑同一,而是这两个人共同的反面,因为我只是一个浪人生,假借复读之名义苟且偷生。我也有一个文人梦,想要成为一个奇幻推理小说家。但是梅钵堂就是我作威作福的天堂,做喜欢做的事,吃喜欢吃的东西,读喜欢读的书,也许更加能满足我的 pride,光是听水上的夸奖,我就变成了比梦之久作、泪香和泉镜花造诣更加深厚的大师!
耳边传来皮鞋走到的声响,我转过头望去,站在书架之间的人是川濑。
「川、川濑。」
「你的幻觉加重了啊,居然和障子门自言自语了,玉森君。」他轻眼瞟向我,「你在精神病院会很有生命力的。」
「胡说八道。」我整齐放下手稿,「我刚才和店主说话。」
「哦,就是那个躲在暗处的怪人啊。」他讽刺说到,「真是和你一样奇怪。」
「喂,你这话是什么意思?」我愤懑的目光射向他。
「你手里拿的是小说的续写吗?」他无视我的目光,信手抽走了居于桌子上的手稿,大摇大摆地读了起来。
一张一张,我从川濑的瞳孔里看见了费力焦虑的自己。最后稿子纷飞,散落在地上。
「这是什么?」我又处于他的审问之下。
「这、这是佐藤先生的续篇啊。」我嘟囔着,「写的就是,身为丈夫和父亲的佐藤先生,在梦中得知自己噩梦的来源」,我观察着他的神情,小心翼翼,「于是和巫女一起粉碎寺庙的邪恶……」
「不得不说,这个主人公和作者一样精神失常。」他感叹道,「也是分不清现实和幻觉。」
「我、我没有!」我突然控制不住语气。
「很抱歉,玉森君。」他怡然自得地说道,「我会一直保持对你的批评的,这是你应得的。」
「喵哈哈…喵哈哈哈哈….」我尴尬地挤出干笑。
「真是奇怪的笑声」川濑抓起雨伞,往门口走去,头也不回地说,「我先走了,还要上课。」他好像只为了看我的手稿而来,消失在街头里面。
……
转眼间,报时钟响了起来,显示是六点,到了闭店的时候了。
我抽出《彼得•金》的招待券,抓上雨伞,往车站方向奔过去。雨水淋漓的路面沾上了湿滑,但街上清脆的风铃声是悦耳的。
独占在东洋剧场门外,我呆滞地望着外面的广告,《彼得•金》的海报里,耸立着一个高大的金发男子,被长得与自己一模一样的人包围着,其实也不是包围,他们只是围在他周围毫无方向地漫游。这个男人看起来很高,估计有一米八,身高一米六的我想着,故事发生的地点,不是日本,也不是国外,更加像是男人的内心世界。
尽管距离开场还有半个小时,我却隐隐约约地接受了对方的失约,其实我不担心,是《佐藤先生》的结局让我愈发焦虑起来,指间也在搓弄招待券。
「玉森君,我来了。」水上温柔的呼唤把我从孤独和思绪中拉回现实世界,「你来的好早呀,这么期待这部话剧吗?」
「你、你怎么来了?」我在莫名其妙地说些话。 ….. 终于我和水上进入了剧场,我手里嚼着买来的牛奶糖。我们就这样坐在剧场里面,灯光暗了下来,那放映机射出的绚丽光线,荧幕映出人像,难以想象,令人悸动,这究竟是梦,还是现实?
画面里是一个穿着短袖上衣的男子和躺在床上的女人,他们不知道在摆弄着什么。
站在剧场两侧的活弁开始念台词了,
彼得:母亲大人!太阳每天升迭不息,年轻的人儿将要踏上冒险旅途,寻求真爱和生命的意义。 母亲:儿啊!请你不要离开我,可怜一下你年老体弱的母亲吧。 ……
画面转到了埃及,男子换上了白色的西服,看起来趾高气昂。
斯芬克斯:什么动物,早晨用四条腿走路,中午用两条腿走路,晚上用三条腿走路? 彼得:那当然是人 周围的阿拉伯人非常震惊,把彼得供奉为先知。
最后画面一转,男子的衣服已经破落,头发花白,他的独角戏如下。
彼得:我打败了山妖,贩卖黑奴,佯装先知,智斗狮身人面像,大发横财,却最终一场空。人生好像剥洋葱,最后剥到的东西是空。 鸟儿栖息在巢穴,鱼儿漫游在水中,一个人类却没有安身之处。
灯光亮起,电影结束了。我不知不觉已经坐了一个半小时,却没想到,我被感动落泪,我是害怕这种孤独的。
「怎么了?天不早了,快回家了吧。」水上提醒我道。
我不情愿地站了起来,保持着僵硬的姿势,在恍惚间回到了梅钵堂。
片刻后,在淅淅沥沥的雨水中,心中若有所思,辗转反侧,但还是拉过了被褥,坠入美乡之中。
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